The "Sympathetic" Other Woman Survey

age =: 50

name for married lover: M

make up a name for you: C

how did your relationship get started =: He was my boss. We worked together for a couple of years. When it was 4 o'clock and I didn't want to start a new project, I'd go into his office and just start asking questions, chatting. We'd sit and talk for a long time. There was just a wonderful connection.

how long did it last =: After 25 years, we still have a relationship. It's been an on-off relationship.

how did it end =: On-going.

would you do it again = : Yes! He has been a unbelievable presence in my life. He's my mentor, has always believed in my abilities even when I didn't. No one, no one knows me as well as he does.

never done this before =: No.

did he have any kids =: Yes. He has kids. They were in elementary school. I think he's always felt an obligation to his family. He married young. They grew apart very early. But he feels a devotion to being there for them.

did you know his wife before or gret to know her?: Yes. Since I worked for him, I would talk to her on the phone, see her at parties.

spend a lot of money on you =: He paid my expenses to meet him in other cities. Wonderful meals, finest wines, great locations, fabulous hotels, spa treatments. It was always about pampering, feeling special. Small gifts here and there. Not many. He contributed to my rent for a bit in the beginning. I've always liked being independent. The relationship has always been on my terms.

what did he promise you =: He didn't make any promises for anything.

did you want to marry him or just have the affair =: Never asked him to divorce his wife. I knew he wouldn't.

are you still in contact with him = : Yes.

did you have an abortion or a child =: No. But he told me once, very recently, at one point he wondered what our children would've looked like.

did you date others =: Yes. But when I was in a serious relationship, whether married or in a long-term relationship, I would never sleep with him. And we didn't speak very often.
what advice would you give someone who is considering an affair? = : You have to be very honest with yourself about the reality of the relationship. If he says he's going to leave his wife for you, that's fine. But don't bank on it. Continue with your own life. Don't put anything on hold for him.

what advice would you give a wife whose husband was having an affair =: If he's done it once, he'll do it again. But if you really want to make it work, seek counseling. And don't let him back in until he agrees to it. Otherwise, you won't really know the truth why it happened. But it's something deep seated.

why do you tnink men have affairs =: My lover is very high powered. He has people wanting a piece of him no matter where he goes. Including his wife. When he's with me, he can talk to me about things he doesn't talk about with anyone else, including his wife. His true desires, his true feelings. He could never say that he wants to get away from it all. Nor could he really get away and leave it behind. He has such enormous responsibilities to his family, his company, his shareholders. He knows it's not possible right now. I'm his escape. For a night or two, I bring balance into his life and he brings balance into mine.

did you ever feel guilty about what you were doing -: Every now and then.

where how often regularly =: My apartment. Hotels. New York, DC, Puerto Rico, Europe. Well, when we worked together, we saw each other every day. We actually would be intimate once or twice a month. But now that we're in different states, it's random, whenever he has business here. But when I was married, we didn't have any contact. After my marriage ended, we reconnected. During a couple of long-term relationships that I had, we didn't have as much contact. We spoke periodically, met for dinner or drinks once or twice, but never had sex.

did you tel did you tell friends or relatives =: I've told a couple of my close friends. One of my sister-in-laws. They were very non-judgmental about it.

what did you learn =: This man was definitely meant to be in my life. I've never regretted. I don't like to use the term soulmate because that doesn't always have a good connotation. But we were together in this life for a reason. For him, I believe his marital relationship in this lifetime was about devotion and service to others but not his devotion to himself and his desires. I'm here to fill that void. For my lifetime, he opened up the world of wealth, knowledge and possibilities. An appreciation of the finer things in life. Not just material, but the simple beauty and intelligence in my surroundings and, most importantly, myself.
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