Saturday, May 30, 2009

Zodiac Traits for Lovers


I'm Nancy R. Fenn, expert astrologer, and I'd like to be your astrologer.
Did you know Virgo women are highly attracted to Aquarius men and Leo men to Taurus women? Do you understand that Scorpio and Aquarius will result in a contest of wills and that Leo and Capricorn will share a love of status and prestige?

Learn more about partners in the horoscope - check back to my blog soon for the inauguration of my new site.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Marrying an INFP

have read your article entitled “Marrying an INFP”, see here.

A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT ABOUT COMING UP TO EXPECTATIONS. IT IS FUNDAMENTALLY ABOUT MEETING EACH OTHERS MOST IMPORTANT EMOTIONAL NEEDS.



WE DO NOT MARRY BAD PEOPLE. WE MARRY THE WRONG PEOPLE.



MANY PEOPLE MOVE FROM RELATIONSHIP TO RELATIONSHIP, FAILING EACH TIME BECAUSE THEY DO NOY KNOW WHAT THEIR BEST MATCH IS IE WHAT THEY SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR.



I am an INFJ man married to an ISTJ woman and have pretty much the same issues as you. There is no deep connection at a soul/emotional level. I now have 3 grown up happy daughters and am thinking of leaving my marriage as I am not happy.



I spent decades operating on the principle “if my wife and family were not happy, then I could not be happy”, so I did absolutely everything I could do to make them happy. There is joy in giving, but you have to also have your needs met to be happy. About 5 years ago, I approached my wife and said that all I want out of the rest of my life is to have a passionate love affair with my wife till the day I die. Her response was stunned silence. About 4 years ago, I approached my wife again saying I had some issues with our relationship that I would like to talk about. She told me I was being “precious”. After that, the rose coloured glasses fell off and the idealised love I had for my wife evaporated. I still loved and cared for her, but I was no longer in love.



Over the recent years, intense conflict developed between me and my wife over some family issues. This was compounded late last year (2008), when I got retrenched. I ended up in some sort of post traumatic stress disorder and accidently met an ENFJ woman and fell into an affair. Like you, this meeting of souls had a profound affect on me, it was like an “emotional dam bursting”. I had found by complete accident my “twin flame”, my EVE. It was like she was just made for me. The meeting of mind and feeling was so profound and intense, it was like we had a psychic connection.



I was however completely uncomfortable with the affair since it broke my moral code, beliefs and values. It was also unfair to the woman, her needs were never going to be adequately met. She needed a proper loving relationship 24/7. And I was deeply in love with her (and she with me). So I did the “right thing”. I broke it off, confessed the truth to my wife with a view to either fix up the relationship or break it/separate. I went to a counsellor for help, my wife would not go but agreed to wipe the slate clean and start again.



I used the relationship management approach of Dr Harley ...see website..



http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html



This is an amazing website showing you how to have a successful marriage . Love is a behaviour and it shows what needs to happen in this regard. Essentially, the spouses have to ...

1. Remove love busters and practice the “policy of joint agreement”

2. Meet each others most important emotional needs

3. Practice the policy of undivided attention.....making sure you spend 15 hours a week together giving each other undivided attention

4. Practice radical honesty....about everything including how you feel about things your spouse does.



The upshot was , however, that I ended up doing most of the relationship management to restore the marriage. Dr Harley says that the spouse who had the affair fell out of love due at least in part to neglect etc from the other spouse. The other spouse has to do a lot of work to build the love bank units up again in the unfaithful spouse to bring them back into love. Instead, my wife claimed she was the injured party and I had to do the reparation work. She got everything she asked for. I haven’t to date.



I also believe in unconditional love ie giving without expecting something in return. This is the highest form of love as Christians say. In fact, Dr Harley says you can ask but not demand in a love relationship. Love is a free gift. Since the affair, relations with my wife have returned to a pleasant state although deep inside I have a big hole. We have sex almost every day and are pleasant companions. We fulfil again our duty to each other as spouses. We truly care for each other like old friends. IS THIS ENOUGH FOR HAPPINESS WHEN WHAT YOU NEED IS A PASSIONATE LOVE AFFAIR/DEEP CONNECTION WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?



But for me the deep soul/emotional connection is absent as it always has been. My wife does little that I ask for spontaneously. Synchronicity is largely absent.



I can continue with my duty oriented, caring “old friends” relationship into old age. Or seek my natural love type ie an ENFJ best fit, followed by INFJ, for a passionate, twin flame relationship for the rest of our lives. The emotional case is to exit, the business case is to stay, the ethics case is uncertain..



The ethics from my point of view is that, if you have done everything you can possibly do to make a relationship work over a very long time, and one or both spouses are unhappy, and the children have grown up and left, then there is no point in staying together. You can only make your spouse happy, if you are happy and vice versa. Its a SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP. In fact, the only reason you should marry in the first place is because you can make your future spouse happy and you want to because you are in love.



Ultimately, with duty done with respect to children, if one or both of you are unhappy and no efforts can fix the situation, then you will ultimately make each other miserable by staying together. The initial pain of breakup will pass and each party will have the opportunity to seek the best partner next time.



AND THIS BEGS THE QUESTION, “WHO S THE BEST PARTNER”. Some say men often marry for looks and sex. Women for security/status/wealth.

My theory is as follows....for finding the right partner..

1. The must be physical attraction

2. There must be personality matching. It has now been shown that people who have the last 3 factors of the Myer Brigg indicator the same are natural “love types” and are happiest in a relationship. So for an INFP , their love type is ENFP best fit, them INFP. For an INFJ, their love type is an ENFJ best fit, then INFJ.

3. Next you need comparable intelligence and values alignment

4. And finally, a must, is also relationship management skills (ie as per Dr Harley approach) or capacity and willingness to develop such.



I note that you have at the bottom of your article a statement by an ENFJ saying their relationship with an ISTJ was miserable with no deep connection at all. I know quite a few ENFJs in this situation with ISTJ partners! We tend to get attracted to people who are largely opposite to us in personality, but over time, the differences become sources of conflict. Eg the J is always trying to organise and focus the Ps. The S just cannot understand the thinking of the N. For an ENFJ woman, their best fit is an INFJ man...but such men are the rarest type at 0.5% of men. So the ENFJ woman may find an ENFJ man more easily. The E vs I difference does not matter that much and in fact adds diversity. Its the last 3 factors that need to be the same for a deep connection soul mate.



It is interesting that Jesus Christ (an INFJ for sure) described marriage between a man and a woman as a soul union.....one in the sight of God. And he said that divorce was allowed by Moses because people were so hard hearted.



SOMEONE SAID THAT MOST MEN LEAD LIVES OF QUIET DESPERATION FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER. I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE.



Anonymous INFJ Man

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Best Description of Virgo Ever!

This is quite possibly te best ddescription of Virgo I've ever read ... by a client.

To the Virgo description:
I wish there was a way to get it across that Virgos aren't just critical of details, we're the lovers of them. I feel myself carrying the burden and the joy of loving things that other people can't even see. I love the flowers in the desert that are so tiny they can't be seen without a microscope. I love them and I want to see them. I love the spiders, and especially the little red spiders whose whole bodies aren't any larger than a period. I love the flowers not just the whole bunch in a bouquet, but the individual petals, not just the individual petals, but the lines in the petals. I love the whorls on the echinacea, and the points. I love the little rocks in the sand and I could look at every one: the beauty of those tiny little shards of stones means more to me than a mountain. Or even a mountain would be loved so much better in miniature -- if I could walk it and feel my foot on every stone, and smell the air, and feel the coolness of the stone, and the memories of each one. It seems to be misunderstood that all a Virgo is is a critic, and a critic of minutiae; the love part gets missed. For one to say that a Virgo would get crushed if the thing wasn't exactly right: would be to miss that a Virgo is ALSO soaring with joy and happiness when the tiniest of things is RIGHT.
Bring me home a single starlight mint, and I am more grateful than many people who have just been handed a diamond tiara.


Another example interpersonally: perhaps a non-Virgo needs the broad brush FULL acceptance of the FULL person, but a Virgo, at least THIS Virgo takes DELIGHT in a small, subtle expression of understanding and beams and glows. For example, when someone just said to me, "If you were an apple polisher" (meaning I wasn't) I took that as a very high compliment, and took happiness from this tiny implication). Or when you sent me an e-mail telling me not to worry, thus indicating that you had given some thought to who I am and what I feel, and what is going on, and said those words: that is a small detail that makes me
trust you, and you have my devotion and loyalty for that small thing.
In other words, I think Virgos are easy to please, if people would merely understand how easy.

Monday, May 25, 2009

I love you, Dad!

My dad used to have a few drinks and sing this song, a World War II song.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Friday, May 22, 2009

Using Your Whole Chart

























Me after college. Still stuck in my Cappie South Node and Libra Moon.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

American Idol

wtf CHRIS won!!! ?? !!!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Introverts

"Sometimes I think of extroverts as suns or stars – emitting energy and light and introverts as black holes, where everything is internalized and the possibilities are infinite."
~A student in my Introvertz Personal Growth Course

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Louise Hay's Second Saturn Return - What about yours?


This is what happened to Louise Hay during her second Saturn Return.


[from wiki] "Around the same time Louise Hay began leading support groups for people living with H.I.V. or AIDS which she called her "Hay Rides". These grew from a few people in her living room to hundreds of men in a large hall in West Hollywood. Her work with AIDS patients drew fame and she was invited to appear on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” and “Donahue” in the same week, in March 1988.


You Can Heal Your Life immediately landed on the New York Times best-seller list. More than 35 million copies are now in print around the world in over 30 languages.[1] [4] and has been made into a movie.[5] You Can Heal Your Life is also included in the book 50 Self-Help Classics[6] for being significant in its field

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Fixed Stars and You


This will be a GREAT opportunity to learn about the Fixed Stars. Don't be fearful. If you are conscious, you can just observe how the energy affects othrs and learn astrology.


Mercury is retrograde right now and, according to Bob Tillett of http://www.astrologycom.com/ "...turns direct again at 22° 52' Taurus on May 31, returning to Gemini on June 14th.


"The underlying energies are connected with Algol because Mercury sweeps over this difficult star three times during this phase (April 28; May 20; and June 10)...."

Put a star by these three dates pn your calendar and be aa ,tta[hysicianand philosopher. Observe what happens arpund y an in the world bbut on't get pulle in yourself:


April 28 [already past of course]


May 20


June 10


THIS IS SO TRUE

This sector of the zodiac is mystical and occultly potent, with the presence of three Behenian Stars, Algol, the Pleiades and Aldebaran sensitizing the arena for good or ill. Algol, the Gorgon's Head, is a pulsating star traditionally associated with primitive female sexuality; strangulation, beheading, danger to throat and neck, murder, violence, mass catastrophe, and the "Evil One". Its pulsating power is passionate, intense and hysterical. Goes well with Mars square Pluto then. Aldebaran is a Royal Star associated with the Archangel Michael, a power for the triumph of the forces of good, usually through victory in battle, as Michael is known as the mighty general of the Heavenly Host. Be ready to roll with the punches, as Mercury retrograde may well see some nasty breakdowns in communication on the battlefield of life."

Learn more about Fixed Stars in my articles:


www.bemyastrologer.com/ursamajor.html
www.bemyastrologer.com/fixedstars.html
www.bemyastrologer.com/constellationtaurus.html



Order your Fixed Stars Report $35


Learn more here: http://bemyastrologer.com/fixed_stars_report.html

Monday, May 4, 2009

That Time of Year

What are Your Patterns and Path?


Regarding her Patterns and Path Report, she writes ....

Wow, Nancy, I feel you have seen into the depths of my soul. I score off the charts as an extrovert. However, that is what I want people to see. There are indeed many things about me that I don't allow many to see ….”

About his Patterns and Path Report, he writes …

For some reason it deeply affected me. I even struggle with trying to talk about it….well, I have found I've been unable to figure it what emotional dynamic it stirred in me much less describe it.

There was a recognition when I read it. But then I went strangely quiet and I'm not sure I've processed it. Everything in the report rang true and I identified with all of it. But there is a resistance in me to fully accept that is my "path" in this life. I don't think I've reconciled who I am with other conflicting wants and desires. But I'm not even sure that is the real dynamic going on in my psyche. That said, confusion doesn't describe what I feel either. I just feel really quiet about it and have a sense I need to wait for...something. I feel like something is pending...or that something is building up to something.

I think about the information in the report every day.

Order your Patterns and Path Report today. Are you ready to look deep into your own psyche with my loving eyes?

An amazing glimpse at your psychic core.
Available only through Your Astrologer, Nancy R. Fenn
$40.00

More raves ...

From PB...

Thank you Nancy for your Patterns and Path report. Such an honest and telling story of who I have become. It is right on and shows me your amazing and uncanny abilities. The Secret message, however blew me away. I have been thinking about it ever since I read it. I will continue to think about it and consider it an extremely awesome comment. You struck a cord that I did not know was within me. It made me feel that even though I am getting rather long in the tooth that I may still have something in me that is worth shariing.
Namaste, PB

R got her report and writes ...

Hi Nancy -

I just read through the [Patterns and Path Repor] report. When I asked you about it Friday I wasn't sure if this would bring anything new to light as we have been through my chart so many times, but what a delightful surprise! What was I thinking?! Of course, it is always changing, as is the earth and sky - upon which relationship this astrology is based! You know how much I love it when the light bulb comes on and I learn something new (or is it old, we are rediscovering what we already know).

What a creative and illuminating process to complement the journey! I have always been interested in the patterns myself although not done much reading on them, as I haven't come across much on the subject. Over the past few years the patterns have stood out more to me in our conversations. Thank you for sharing your awesome gifts of perception and insight....
Have a great day!

R (I'm going to go back now and read through again!)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

A Fellow Astrologer on 29 degrees Pisces and Scheat

She writes: Very interesting regarding 29 degrees of Pisces and Scheat. This star packs a punch for certain. A very good friend of mine has the moon at 29 Pisces, and suffers from
Emphysema is on 24 hours of oxygen, and continuous oral antibiotics to stop drowning from lung infections."