The Sympathetic Other Woman Survey

age =: 41

name for married lover: Jo

make up a name for you: Mary

how did your relationship get started =: A music audition in 2002. He (aged 42 then) a very level-headed, intresting, learned, encouraging fun person to be around. We struck up a really good friendship, sharing fuel money he gave me a lift to our weekly music rehearsals as he would pass the top of my road and the venue was quite some distance away. Over time we would talk about anything and everything, never a dull moment just great company... but him definately "not my type".. so I thought! > a devout vegetarian, non-smoking-drinking-caffeine-free, well over 6ft tall (I am only 5ft 1")and fashioning John Lennon type spectacles.


At a friends party where he was playing (summer 2003) the next day amidst tents and log fires we had the most amazing BIG hug, little did I know, nor he I'm sure that this would be the 1st of so many, after that - everytime we met up or said farewell we would hug, it was lovely.

Sadly in 2004 he left our misic scene to concentrate on another music project but we (9 musicians) had for that year been putting down music and lyrics to make a cd, he had a recording studio at his house. Throughout the autumn and into December, the hugs became longer, more intense and harder to pull away, I did tell him that I had fantasised about him on occasion and his hugging me close confirmed that surely this must be ok?


how long did it last =: Our friendship started in 2002 and became physical in 9th January 2005 until 29th June 2008..(3 and a half years)


how did it end =: Terribly! If being completely cut off can be called an ending?
He and his wife bought a motorhome and went travelling in January 2008 for 6 months and we (friends and relations etc) would recieve emails of their whereabouts and what they had seen and done.


Painful as it was for me and I didn't know when he would return as we had left the relationship "open".. the emails and IM's and texts started to come from him, telling me how much he missed and loved and so wanted to be with me around March time while he was in France then Spain then Portugal.


In May he sent word that they were returning and he asked that I book us somewhere for a few days so that we could be together.. be complete!


Arriving back 5th June 2008, we decided to wait and meet up at the beautiful converted barn I had booked for the Midsummer weekend 20th-22nd June 2008.
Too painful for me to put down still.. it was wonderful, soulmates, lovers like no others and complete > then it was time to go back to reality!


I could go on and on and on some more but what trnspired was that he told his wife he had fallen in love with me and he wanted me to be in his life ( he really thought she would understand and allow this, brave man eh? ) No! She said she would resent this and he flipped I guess in realisation.. he didn't need to work, monies were invested in the house and he was "comfortable" and his mother-in-law had given them £50.000.


I went to see him ( he alone at his parents and his wife gone to her mothers as they were renting their house while travelling ) the day after he disclosed our relationship and it was heartbreaking, I tried to touch him and he asked me not to, I shaking and fighting nausea.. he picked up his guitar and played songs, songs that meant so much to us whilst tears streamed down our faces. The phone rang and it was Relate, I had no idea that in just those 24hrs they were on the road to reconciling.. I walked away


would you do it again = : With him? Given a chance...Yes! I know, love and understand him more than anyone, we were tranparent with everything that we said and did.

never done this before =: Yes, he had a brief affair with a woman that I know years back, she never recovered and a divorce came soon after. Also a one night "touch and feel" with a musician friend... both previous to myself.
Funny thing is, he is so honest about himself and thats the part I loved so much

did he have any kids =: No children, he had the snip years back

did you know his wife before or gret to know her?: Sure, I knew his wife. I quite liked her, but didn't take the time in getting to know her, she is quite learned also but childlike and naive in the "worldly" sense,few friends and a recluse in a way. Together they are a strange pair really, more a brother and sister relationship, she has a few mental issues and fibromyalgia and sex or communication at times were limited... not a good recipe for a very passionate man I guess.

did you ever contact his wife = : Certainly I tried to contact her when all went "tits up!" Instead I ended up meeting her mother at her house as ("they" has gone away)and giving my side of the story all copies of emails, dvd's we had made and every momentoe I had.
I look back and think it partly shitty but mostly in truth, that all should be known.

spend a lot of money on you =: No, he is very careful with money, he bought me an icecream once and paid for a meal on our "weekend" together.

what did he promise you =: That he would love me forever and we would NEVER say goodbye...

did you want to marry him or just have the affair =: Marry him? No way... he'd drive me nuts!!
But to be in his life, we were magical together - continuing the affair would have been wonderful, but love and wanting to be together more and more drove him away.

are you still in contact with him = : On our years anniversary I received 4 anonymous emails over a week >>

1 : Hi ****