Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Sympathetic "Other Woman" Survey

me for married lover: Edward

make up a name for you: Anne

how did your relationship get started =: He and I worked together, he started showing interest in my single life, caring about who I was spending time with, encouraging me not to settle and then started offering to help me fix things around my house so I would not have to hire someone, he called me and wished me happy weekend, made excuses to see me on jobs, then one day said he was spending so much time around me because he wanted to be around me and that he had settled in his less than 3 yr 2nd marraige and that he did not want me to settle. He expressed a struggle in how he could get out of the commitment he made with this 2nd wife and if he did divorce her how would I ever trust him?
how long did it last =: 2-1/2 yrs. A couple of times he left me and usually it was holidays and summers when family was around, but he always came back crying about how he did not want to lose me, he only saw his future with me, he did not see himself staying with wife forever,and he was trying to get it all figured out in his head how to justify divorce.

how did it end =: He finally went to talk to a pastor to explain his feelings for me and how he saw his future with me and how he had never loved or desired another the way he did with me and the pastor told him what he was doing was wrong and that his future was not with me,but with his wife. He told me he could not justify divorcing her no matter how much he wanted me and us and that it would haunt him forever if he walked out on her. He said that she may have his name but I have his heart and he said I knew the truth and he was only doing what he felt led by God to do,which was stay married and stay in the life he signed up for no matter how selfish his feelings were that he wanted to be with me.
would you do it again = : No
never done this before =: No he had never done this. I believe him.
did he have any kids =: He had custody of two kids from previous marriage. He said his struggle was how to role model making a commitment to a wife in front of God and then in less than 3 years, saying it is ok to change your mind. He said he wanted to leave a legacy to his sons of how to always do the right thing.
did you know his wife before or gret to know her?: No I did not know her. I met her once but would not have recognized her in a crowd.
did you ever contact his wife = : I wrote her a long email and told her all the truth. She was shocked. She had suspected previously and found some emails he wrote to me. But he told her he would stay away from me and honor his commitment to their marriage. But he came back to me after 2 months and said he could not live that life or he would die. Then she found out he came back to me and she came over to my house while we were there. He would not let me answer the door. He never has been back in 5 months. He obviously told her again he would never see me again.
spend a lot of money on you =: yes, he was always buying me gifts, jewelry, etc.
what did he promise you =: He promised me a life, a future, we had a money market account, we started a LLC company together, we had house plans, he promised me he would marry me. He actually committed his life to me forever 3 years ago.
did you want to marry him or just have the affair =: I wanted to marry him. I waited till his youngest son went off to college and I told him it was time, and he could/would not do it.
are you still in contact with him = : No
did you have an abortion or a child =: no
did you date others =: I tried to see other men to get over him hurting me when he would disappear but I never could get involved because of my commitment to him
what advice would you give someone who is considering an affair? = : Don't do it, don't fall for anything they have to say. Tell them if they want you, you have to be number 1, they have to get a divorce.
what advice would you give a wife whose husband was having an affair =: Don't be an idiot. If you think he is not into you, then he probably is getting his needs met elsewhere. I would hire a service to follow him and tape his cell phone records, etc.
why do you tnink men have affairs =: I believe when you are married to the wrong person, someone you are not bound to in an intimate manner, the marriage is lacking. He and his wife (according to him) lacked intimacy. He said they were more like friends and room mates.
did you ever feel guilty about what you were doing -: Yes, I hated it. I encouraged him to make it right as soon as possible so we could stop being deceitful.
where how often regularly =: My house. He called me every single morning, ran to me, we spent most days together, lunch, afternoons at my house, traveled on vacations, he texted me goodnight each and every night.
did you tel did you tell friends or relatives =: Everyone in my life knew about this. They all believed he was a man who was going to do what he said.
what did you learn =: I learned that a person who seemed so sincere, so tender hearted, so true and committed to me,can just walk away like I was NOTHING. I have never been so hurt in my entire life.

No comments: