Evil Twins in Astrology

Sometimes I'm accused in my classes of being too positive about the signs. This is my effort to present the negative side of the signs in a humorous way.

This article comes from The Astrology Center of America, a site with terrific resources, especially dedicated to reprinting out-of-print astrology books. Dave Rudell says, " I clipped this from the New York Village Voice back in the late 1970's, perhaps in a February issue. On my clipping there was no title nor author given. As I later saw variations elsewhere, I have wondered if it all started with this piece in the Voice. Anyone know? Of the variations I've read, this remains the best. Read at your own risk."

I agree. This is the best version. After you have a good laugh, please visit The Astrology Center of America and learn more astrology.

Here are the Evil Twins. Do you have one, too?

AQUARIUS - Jan 20-Feb 18:
You have an inventive mind & are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand you are inclined to be careless & impractical causing you to make the same mistakes over & over again. People think you are stupid.

PISCES - Feb 19-Mar 20:
You have a vivid imagination & often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates & people resent you for your flaunting of your power. You lack confidence & are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.

ARIES - Mar 21-Apr 19:
You are the pioneer type & hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient & scornful of advice. You are not very nice.

TAURUS - Apr 20-May 20:
You are practical & persistent. You have a dogged determination & work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn & bullheaded. You are a Communist.

GEMINI - May 21-June 20:
You are a quick & intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are known for committing incest.

CANCER - June 21-July 22:
You are sympathetic & understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.

LEO - July 23-Aug 22:
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain & dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are known thieves.

VIRGO - Aug 23-Sep 22:
You are the logical type & hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold & unemotional & sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.

LIBRA - Sep 23-Oct 22:
You are the artistic type & have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man you are more than likely queer. Chances for employment & monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are good prostitutes. All Libras die of venereal disease.


SCORPIO - Oct 23-Nov 21:
You're shrewd in business & cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS - Nov 22-Dec 21:
You are optimistic & enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal.

CAPRICORN - Dec 22-Jan 19:
You are conservative & afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything & are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still too long as they tend to take root & become trees.


8.29.2008 A reader commented, "I read about the evil twin zodiacs and thought it was great until I read capricorns. that's the only one that wasnt true. I know a few capricorns and theyre just nuts. I would say their greatest downside is being incrediably morbid minded and sarcastic."

Any comments?

Rage? What Kind of Rage?

Some of my clients refer constantly to feelings of rage. There is one kind of rage that is very emotionally based and usually associated with boundary violations such as mental, emotional and physical rape. It is Scorpionic in nature. Very painful, requiring a catharsis for healing such as the one Rodrigo Mendoza went through in the movie, "The Mission". This is also the rage referred to in the opening lines of "The Iliad" -- "Sing, O Muse, of the wrath of Achilles">

The other kind of rage is what I'd like to consider today -- rage that the world isn't perfect. It sounds so simple but not to the Uranian personality to which it falls prey. This dastardly realization usually comes after a long period of idealism or what turns out to be idealisticaly high expectations, a sort of ivory tower. I think it's what is meant by Utopian.

The rage comes because of some very personal way in which the ideal is shattered. It is existential. One rages against a reality that is impossibly imperfect. One rages against a God that "botches everything up".

• failure to meet the ideal partner [after years and years of trying and perhaps changing everything possible]
• the way one's children "turn out" [Uranus destroyed his children because he thought they were ugly]
• not being able to get thin enough or rich enough despite following myriad different sets of rules so you decide to just break them all and go to hell in a hand basket
• where is the honor, the glory, the rewards for doing one's duty?
• a long period of earnestly preparing to deliver messages to the world that no one wants to hear, as it turns out
• crusading endlessly for something that others blithely discover 20 years later and start to lecture you about [global warming, ZPG, preparing for retirement]

You can quickly see that these things build up over a long period of time and include periods of denial and recommitment to an impossible ideal. After realizing the person has done absolutely everything they can and/or followed the rules or invented "full proof" formulae themselves [they thought], the crash down into reality is almost unbearable.

Other types take this in stride with aging. Thus sayeth King Faisal in the movie "Lawrence of Arabia", "Idealistic young men make wars. Cynical old men make the peaces."

The perfect antidote to the Uranian personality and its inevitable rage is a little bit of down-to-earth scratch-where-it-itches take-what-you-get-and-be-grateful-for-it, eat-what's-on-your-plate Taurus. The Holy Grail here is contentment.